found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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