Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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