All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize