I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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