You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
