ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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