I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
