I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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