we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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