he told me I talked like a deaf person
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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