You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
