Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
