I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
