Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
