Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
