I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
