I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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