Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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