I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
