he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
