Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize