Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
