you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
