White coat. Heels.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
