dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
