The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the high leading the old right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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