totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
