I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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