batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
