Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
