I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize