I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
