I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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