Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i believe in u and ur pee
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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