So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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