She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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