I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
