Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ok first of all what the fuck
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
