i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
