Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
