member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
