I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My life is pants optional.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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