She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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