I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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