I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
