i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
