***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
