So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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