You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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