we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How external is "for external use only"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
