Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
