You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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