we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
