Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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