Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I touched a dick in church today
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