So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize