Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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