I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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