I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
