Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize