I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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