Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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